Yoga

Over the years I’ve pulled in my tired snappiness and became a more gentle human being, however pressure tests even the tightest of seals. I almost snapped at my CMO today, who is a total teddy bear. The problem is that he was making me do dirty work, or more specifically be an intermediary between two parties one of which needed info and the other had zero incentive to share it.

I was basically in charge of annoying party 2 until they gave party 1 what was needed. I was the mean guy hired to do the dirty work. It would have been a lot more effective to have party 2’s boss do this, as they would place nice there. But that boss, who als happens to be my boss and the CEO doesn’t have time for this and wants to keep his relationship with party 2 at a higher level of rapport. It’s not a big deal, but today the prospect of being the muscle rubbed me the wrong way.

To heal my injured spiriti, I called my friend Nick on the way home and booked a Yoga session. I don yoga basically once a year, but it’s a great way to sweat without putting pressure on your joints (like running does on your knees) and it’s the absolute best way to get a great stretch in. Since the sport is basically stretching with a beat.

I grabbed a scooter and almost ran into Nick (also on a Scooter) on the way to the studio. The room was full of women as always. They 2 or 3 other guys (as I surmised from conversations in the lobby) to either be a  husband or BF of the other woman. It still seems that male presence is frowned upon in this estrogenic compound. Ladie’s products in the bathroom echoed this sentiment. Today I was the Yoga Rosa Parks. I would not be judged.

I wore my ski underpants and a trendy tech tshirt. The vibe is a bro on a picnic. The girls loved it. The session turned out to be amazing, as it usually does. I quickly realized that most of my support muscles have atrophied into jello and so by the end of the squatting, one legged stands and human pretzel exercises, I was about to crash on the floor.

I was saved by the fact that my giant friend Nick was less flexible than I am. I remember how tense my body felt as I started the first breathing exercises. The gulps came in stressed and shallow and the muscles felt stiff and rigid. By the end of the hour, I felt like moldable and relaxed. I should buy one of those whatever-it’s called that measure your recovery time from stimuli and test if before and after yoga/working out. If the results are telling it’s a huge incentive to go.

The instructor (a young, pretty blond) came over once and adjust something about my horrid position. She smiled and asked if it was too much if she applied pressure here and there. “Never!” I smiled, like a Roman Legionnaire (at least in my head). What came out was probably closer to a sweaty poodle squeak, but this is my story and I have full creative oversight of the facts.

I crouched into a growling polar bear, the sprung up 5 feet in the air shrieked and landed into a smug phoenix stance. Than I breathed out and collapsed into what I called the borsch pose. The whole place stopped and looked at me. I didn’t realize this was not a self directed practice. I wonder who long it will take me to get banned for like from a dozen of these cult gatherings.

I downward dogged and my life briefly flashed before my eyes. Than everything went dark. When my eye sights returned, I was gently floating just below the clouds. Below me lay a magic school of some kind, probably Hogwarts. Seagulls flew near and greeted me with their song. I was weightless and timeless. I like this yoga thing.

After the end of the routine, we layed in a few different poses to relax and I almost drifted to sleep. One could say it’s bonkers that we pay $20/hour to stretch and lay still, but I don’t remember the last time I took an hour to physically relax for anything, so from a forced change of pace it’s money very well spent.

I think personal trainers and the like, can charge high fees because it’s the only way people with limited self control can break out or at least put their shitty habits on pause. For normal humans with little and limited willpower stuff like this should be great as once you do enough paying sessions, you may start to try this stuff at home or with friends, thus creating new routines and rewiring your brain. Yay science.

The instructor was adorably uncomfortable about pitching private sessions and other events to the crowd. I find it so strange that people who do a great job at their craft have a hard time letting people know the easiest way of getting more of what they so enjoy. She must think it’s equally strange that I don’t take care of my body as well even though it’s easily available and I feel great afterwards.

I don’t really buy into the obsession with eastern religious practices that are at the core of yoga but I fully believe in words being able to influence the mind as well as the healthy body’s ability to nurture a healthy brain.

It would be great to get to a point where I can do these moves almost subconsciously the way we drive a car and let me brain drift and focus on the things that I want to think about. I know we are supposed to use this time to disconnect. But our best thinking also happens when we are in motion. Humans evolved to be best on the run.

I wonder what the difference is between mental performance after a workout. It seems that I may not necessarily think clearer after a workout (like during a runner's high), but I definitely feel better about the thoughts that race through my mind.

Attitude is more than half the battle. But I wonder if faster neuron flickering happens from just a workout, or if even a small improvement requires like a month of continuous exercise a good diet and no happy hours.

I should see if baking in yoga in my workout schedule (on top of surfing, lifting and running) would make it so that my knees hurt less during/after a run. Part of it is just stretching before running, which I almost never do, but generally increasing the flexibility of my muscles as another workout couldn’t hurt. I could run home from work and go straight into a yoga session to stretch it all out.

I’m going to turn on my sleep tracker tonight and see if my deep sleep is back to normal. hash tag optimize.